DON'T GO OUTSIDE!

This monster was right outside our back door. I just happened to look it's way before I walked outside. As you are probably guessing I did not go straight out. I had to form a game plan. Quickly, I ran to the kitchen grabbed my all purpose cleaner with bleach. I prepare myself then crack the door and spray the monster. At first nothing, then it dropped to the ground. AHHHH! I slam the door. Take another picture of the huge monster. I then look around me for my new weapon...hmmm...aha, one of Jason's hundred flip flops. I grab the size 12, crack the door again, hurl it and...miss. From two feet away! I did manage to move it off the step thing where is in the picture below. I summon all my courage, open door quickly and then jump (though the web - YUCK) and turn to face my enemy. Where did it go?!? There it is. I grab the broom which I leave on the back porch to sweep the ever mounting dirt. I attack! BAM BAM BAM! I get three good hits in. Then it was just gone. No crumpled body. No turned in legs. Nothing. Only me, the broom, silence and the fear that it could be any where on my body. I run inside and pat my body down. Nothing. I returned to the door to look for the monster several times through the day and not once did I see it or any signs from it. I guess I am stuck with only the memory and the sneaking feeling that something keeps crawling over my back.

I measured the spot where that spider was. That thing was at least 3.5 inches.